Passive Aggressive Behaviour

 

Passive aggressive 

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Passive-aggressive behavior is a type of aggression that is not direct and is expressed subtly in actions or words. Or to express anger and related emotions without directly communicating these feelings .

Instead of getting visibly angry, express hostility / anger in calm or detached manner or in action or behavior or even words to hurt and confuse their target . They have ability to deny that their behavior is aggressive.

Without open up about feelings of anger, frustration, disappointment – they say these kind of words like   “ as you wish “ , “Sure / ok , whatever ” or “ Yes , that’s fine ” — but internally , they feel quite opposite.

 

Recognizing passive-aggressiveness

 

1 -  Silence , bitterness, hostility, resentment when other people make requests

2 - Pouting , sulking , giving silent treatment when things don’t happen as their  planned way

3 – Intentionally delaying , making mistakes , working less than efficiently when they don’t want to do something or showing procrastination or pretending forget about things जो कि पहले नहीं थे

4 - frequent complaints about feeling unappreciated , misunderstood , deceived

5 - habit of blaming others for own problems

6 - habit of making vague criticisms ( when other are not sure about them whether they helping or putting other down )  , Vague-booking ( to gain sympathy or appreciations )

eg – if anyone upset them - instead of settling or working on situation directly , they Post on social media to air up their anger & frustrations.

7 – Showing Weaponized Kindness –

eg. A is angry on B because B forgot A birthday and then , in turn , “go for extra bash ” to celebrate A birthday ( up to here its ok and good ) , then A make comment - how they could never ignore such an important event.

8 - चतुराई से / गूढ़ तरीके से – making comment intentionally on that situation or topic which other person is uncomfortable ( about weight to fatty , or कोई पडदे वाली बात )

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Personality of Person Born on Dates 1 10 19 28

 

Gas Light Part 2

 Gas Light Part 2 

How  Gas lighter manipulate –

Denying or trivializing Victim feeling – GL ignore Victim’s emotions and tell him/her  that you are being too sensitive , irrational , crazy .

Contradicting memories – GL always says that things didn't happen the way Victim  remember or Victim  is making up the things , give contradictory information or change their story, causing the victim to doubt their own memory and perception

Blaming Partner for everything -  GL always blame on Partner 

Twisting truth – GL present lies as truth and manipulate facts in their favor 

Withholding information - GL withhold information from Victim or give false or misleading information to make Victim doubt in own understanding 

Making doubt on sanity - They may tell Victim that you are imagining things or you have mental problem 

Isolating & Controlling Partner – GL try to isolate Victim from friends & family , so that Victim depend on GL more so they can control Victim 

Shifting goalposts -  GL frequently change their expectations or standards , making it difficult for Partner to feel that they never ever meet Gas Lighter expectations. 

Some more tricks they use –

Gas lighters are compulsive liars

fabricate conversations or events that never happened.

Gas lighters will say things like 

“I didn’t say that, that didn’t happen, it’s not a big deal, “

you’re crazy or you’re paranoid when you start to question things.

Say kids are sleeping or studying so be quiet when you questioning

Why overreacting or you’re hypersensitive.

They will tell you bla bla and someone said something about you (which never happened ) just to make you feel like that person is against you or doesn’t like you.

tell you everyone thinks that you are so and so … and they’ll make something up just to make you feel afraid to speak up.

tell you things like “it was just a joke” or I m just joking

tell you that you seem to have a problem with so n so eg- if GL is every time late and then  you are upset about that because it feels like disrespectful to your time which it is, and the gas lighter says “you seem to have a problem with time”.

 

Effect on Victim of GL –

 feel unsure of their own judgment or even reality

feel confused , anxious , they cannot trust themselves

victims to lose their sense of perception , identity , self-worth

 

What to Do If Someone Is Gaslighting You

Keep some distance - Step back mentally / physically from  intense emotions/actions caused by gaslighting ( relaxation techniques like deep breathing or grounding exercises will help )

 Save the evidence -  Gaslighting can make you doubt yourself, so it's important to keep a record / evidence of your experiences or situations . Keep notes , save text messages , keep emails to remind yourself of what really happened or even audio video . so that you can look back on them later and remind yourself that you shouldn't doubt or question yourself.

 Set boundaries -  Clearly communicate and set the boundaries that what you will accept or what  not tolerate in the relationship. Be clear that you won’t allow the other person to trivialize or deny your feelings .

 Do not argue on their terms - If someone is making up facts , it won't be a useful conversation. It is waste of time in arguing about what is true instead of getting your point across . They might won by twisting the truth , but you don't have to agree with them if their argument is based on lies and Remember your truth. Just because the other person sounds sure of themself doesn’t mean they are right. The gas lighter may never see your side of the story.

 Prioritize safety. Gaslighting often makes targets doubt their own intuition. But if you feel you are in danger, you can always leave the situation.

 Get an outside perspective -  Talk to a friend or family member about what you are going through. Having another person's perspective can help make the situation clearer to you.

 End the relationship - While it can be difficult, ending the relationship with someone , but ending relationship is the extreme of GL 

 

Gas Light in Relationship

Gaslight

 

Gas Light 

Form of psychological abuse / manipulation in which the abuser try  to make you doubt your own sanity , perceptions, memories, or reality. Abuser might deny things they said or did , make you question your thoughts, or twist the truth to make you feel confused or insecure.

 

“ any person in a position of power designed to manipulate less powerful others to doubt themselves or question their own sanity or memory “

 

“ Gaslighting is a common tool used by narcissistic and abusive spouses to control their partner . when don’t correctly , gaslighting can make a spouse doubt their own senses and memory “

 

Where Did Gaslighting Get Its Name?

 

The term gaslighting comes from a 1938 play by Patrick Hamilton, known in America as "Angel Street" and later developed into the film "Gas Light" by Alfred Hitchcock. In the suspense film –

A manipulative husband tries to make his wife think she is losing her mind by making subtle changes in her environment -  such as gradually dimming the flame on a gas lamp.

Make her believe that she is insane

He also abuses and controls her

Also cutting her off from family and friends

As a result, she starts doubting herself , her feelings , her perceptions  and her memories . Additionally, she feels Neurotic , Hypersensitive and Out-of-control  which is the goal of gaslighting — and the Victim feel disoriented and unsure of what is real  and which isn’t

 

Because this film explained well  about - controlling and toxic actions that manipulative people use and Psychologists and Counselors labeled this type of emotionally abusive behavior - "gaslighting."

 

Why Do Some People Gaslight Others?

 

The typical goal of the gaslighter is not just manipulation, but power and control over the other person and take advantage —typically with the misguided cooperation of the manipulated victim. This behavior is often rooted in psychopathy or a personality disorder such as narcissistic or  antisocial or lovebombing or breadcrumbing

 

to be continued........

Narcissistic Personality Disorder & Antisocial Personality Disorder

 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

 Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior characterized by

 Five common signs 

1 Inflated or exaggerated  sense of self ( importance )  ,

2  constant need for attention ,

3 self-centeredness ,

4  lack of empathy ,

5  pre-occupation with power and success .

 

( 1.अपने महत्व का बढ़ा-चढ़ा हुआ या अतिरंजित अहसास  2. लगातार ध्यान की आवश्यकता  3. आत्मकेंद्रितता 4. सहानुभूति की कमी  5. शक्ति और सफलता के प्रति अत्यधिक चिंतन )

 

Symptoms of NPD

Constant need for attention, affirmation, and praise

Exaggerated sense of one's own abilities and achievements

Exploiting other people for personal gain

Feeling envious of others, or believing that others are envious of them

Lack of empathy for others

Persistent fantasies about attaining success and power

Obsession with power or success

Sense of entitlement and expectation of special treatment

One can recognize NPD by looking for some of these signs  People with NPD  are typically described as –

Self-centered

Arrogant & full of pride

Conceited ( too proud of yourself and your actions & abilities )

Because they imagine themselves as superior to others, they often insist on possessing items that reflect a successful lifestyle.

Despite this exaggerated self-image , they depend heavily on constant praise and attention to maintain their self-esteem.  As a result , individual with narcissistic personality disorder are usually very sensitive to criticism, perceiving it as a personal attack

 

 

 

Antisocial Personality Disorder:

 Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) is a condition characterized by a lack of empathy and disregard feeling for other people.

Symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder -

 Symptoms can start in childhood , such behavior may include fire setting, cruelty to animals, and difficulty with authority.

They often face legal problem because they don't follow rules and ignore rights of other people .

They frequently act impulsively and don’t think the consequences of their actions.

They can be aggressive and irritable, which may lead to physical fights.

Have difficulty to feel empathy for others .

Poor or abusive relationships with others and they might abuse or neglect their children.

Frequently lie and deceive others for personal gain .

No feeling of guilt and regret about something they did in past or before . 

 

Diagnosis of ASPD

 Symptoms of antisocial personality disorder often begin during childhood,

Disregard for the safety of the self and others

Failure to obey laws

Impulsive behavior

Irritability and aggression

Lack of remorse for actions

Love Bombing

 

Love Bombing

 

 Tactic often used by narcissists, abusers, even cult leaders or borderline personality disorders people — form of emotional manipulation in which someone showers another person with excessive affection, attention, complements or praise and make other feel to trust them quickly – to eventually control them  

People use love bombing in relationships Because –

to control , to gain or to regain or exploit them  

Make recipient feel dependent and obligated to that person-

To gain power and control over their partners

To gain the upper hand over a new partner and increase his or her dependence on the bomber.

To manipulate their victim for selfish needs and wants

 Note - love-bombing behavior is often linked to individuals who have low self-esteem, display narcissistic traits, or insecurity  , Fear of rejection

 

 

Four stages of Love Bombing Cycle

 

Stage One - Idealization Stage

 Making Victim feel good and boosts victim self esteem as well as making them feel dependent upon and obligated to LoBo  and gaining trust and affection from Victim by doing –

Excessive expressions of Constant or over Communication of their feeling about Victim  -

Contacting frequently to Victim - through text , calls , social media or insist on seeing you all the time ( and become upset if Victim not respond immediately or say no )

( purpose behind this is - LoBo make it difficult for Victim to spend time alone or with Victim’s friends and family )

Excessive praising & flattery or affection expressions and gifts-

Shower Victim with gifts , compliments , attention right from the start of the relationship to make you feel special & appreciated

( purpose behind this is – Love Bomber create the idea that Victim  “owe them ” which they will likely use to manipulate Victim later. )

 

Expressing intense feelings quickly & Future faking -

They might tell you they love you and don’t know what they will do without you , quickly to pressure you into committing to the relationship. Talking about deep commitment, future plans, and being in love quickly within a short period of time of knowing you like after 3dates they say ur my soulmate

( purpose behind this is – that to make Victim feel that LoBo is only world to them )

 

Stage Two - Devaluing

 Once the initial love & faith is established - Idealization phase over , and Victim fully attached in love , loyal and deeply involve in the relationship then mask start to slip and next stage of devaluation begins.  And hot and cold behavior starts . Now Victim start noticing the  partner action are not matching with what he/she told or did

 

Criticism/put-downs - LoBo start to criticize and nitpick their partner, making Partner feel low in self-esteem to gain complete control over Partner

 

Hot/cold behavior – LoBo begins withdrawing his / her  affection and also breadcrumb to their partner ( By using phrases such as, “I can’t live without you” and “You’re the only one who understands me.” ) .  Victim may feel like one minute he/she  experiencing an amazing relationship high and the next Victim feel miserable

Manipulation – also includes various types of psychological manipulation ( gaslighting , giving the silent treatment , guilt-tripping )

Anything that goes wrong in the relationship LoBo only blame on Partner & keep complaining to maintain control over Partner . Here LoBO plays self victim role , making Partner feel responsible for their emotions , using past events to manipulate , controlling Partner feelings and actions. As a result Victim ( partner ) start guessing / thinking about self which break Victim down his/her self-esteem .

  

Stage Three -  Discarding-

Once LoBo is no longer getting what they need from the relationship & Once they feel the relationship is no longer useful then - they start discarding their partner & looking for new supply . Lobo change their behaviour quite cold , no care no praise only find faults & blame , avoids taking responsibility   . So LoBo move on or create situations that Partner leave LoBo ( purpose is to move on ) . They move on to the next person quickly  so - they end it and start the same cycle with the next person.

 

Jealousy and possessiveness-

The love bomber may accuse you of cheating or being unfaithful. They monitor your social media use , also ask frequently - where you are or what you are doing, and restrict you to meet certain people or going to certain places.

 

Isolating the other person-

They demand your attention and time and try to isolate you from your family and friends and don’t like that you even meet them (for example, they may become angry and make you feel guilty for making plans with others). . They might do this by telling you they no longer want you to see certain friends or family members. Alternatively, they make attempt to isolate you by telling little manipulated facts or talking negatively about others so that you change your perception of them

 

frequent contact with you or see you a lot, leaving little room for other activities or friendships .

 

They always demanding and don’t like to listen “ No”

 

 

Stage Four - Hoovering

 

This stage involves LoBo trying to maintain contact and stay close to their partner. Offering sincere apologies or using other manipulative methods to enter back into their Partner lives . Try to prove how much they have changed , or claim they will never find anyone that compares to you or  flaunt

Note - If the hoovering is successful then Love Bombing can begin again and the cycle of abuse continues.

 

In short  - Relation based on manipulated things , fairytale romance and grand gestures don’t last for long . LoBo/Narcist  have an over inflated sense of self importance and an excessive need for attention and adoration & supply of attention and validation , and they present their false image and later their mask soon slips.

After the love bombing stage or Rosy Days gone , it's common for the intensity of the relationship to decrease. Because love bombing is artificially created behavior which can not be sustainable in the long term. The love bomber may struggle to maintain the same level of attention, affection, and grand gestures they displayed during the early stages of the relationship. The target get to the intense emotions and feelings of attachment created by the love bomber , when rosy days gone then reality appears

 

 

 

Breadcrumbing in Relations

 

 

Breadcrumbing

 

Someone who is breadcrumbing is leading you on with little morsels of encouragement—just enough so that you don't give up on the relationship . Move toward this person , and they will move away . But if you withdraw, the person will ramp up their breadcrumbing again. A breadcrumber doesn't like or intend to commit.

 

किसी व्यक्ति को थोड़ा-थोड़ा ध्यान देकर या थोड़ी थोड़ी चीजें देकर उनकी अपने में रुचि बनाए रखना ताकी वो  चला ना जाये और साथ में उस रिश्ते को सही मायनों में विकसित भी नहीं होने देना।

 

जैसे - कभी-कभी संदेश भेजना  , छिटपुट तारीफ करना  , अनियमित रूप से संवाद करना शामिल होना कुछ कर देना  ताकि वह व्यक्ति जुड़ा हुआ महसूस करे  ! 10% करना और 90% लेना ! Like out of 100 they keep on saying/doing 10 things which they did good ( which is true too and opposite person cant deny ) but 90 they did / said wrong ( this they don’t accept and make excuses or go in Gass light mode ) so 10:90 ratio relationship get toxic

 

 

Way to Live Life

 

Gayatri Mantra

गायत्री मंत्र

अस्य श्री गायत्री मंत्रस्य

विश्वामित्र ऋषिः 

गायत्री छन्दः

सविता देवता जपोपनयने विनियोगः

ॐ भूर्भुवः स्वः तत्सवितुर्वरेण्यं भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात्.

गायत्री मंत्र ऋग्वेद के छंद 'तत्सवितुर्वरेण्यं भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात्' 3.62.10 और  यजुर्वेद के मंत्र  ॐ भूर्भुवः स्वः  से मिलकर बना है .

ऋग्वेद का गायत्री छंद और गायत्री मंत्र में अंतर है -

ऋग्वेद के छंद

'तत्सवितुर्वरेण्यं भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात्'

यजुर्वेद के मंत्र

ॐ भूर्भुवः स्वः

ऋग्वेद के इस मंत्र में सविता-सूर्य-प्रकाश-ज्ञान की उपासना है इसलिए इसे सावित्री भी कहा जाता है।

यजुर्वेद का मंत्र 'ॐ भूर्भुवः स्वः' ज्ञान के सम्पूर्ण धरातल को स्पष्ट करता है. इसलिए किसी ब्रह्म तत्त्व को पूर्ण रूप से जानने वाले ऋषि ने विश्वामित्र ऋषि के गायत्री छंद में लिखे मंत्र के साथ यजुर्वेद  के मंत्र ॐ भूर्भुवः स्वः को जोड़कर मानव जाति को एक अद्भुत मंत्र प्रदान किया. इस गायत्री मंत्र में ऋग्वेद से लिया भाग गायत्री छंद में है इसलिए इसका नाम गायत्री पड़ा. इसे श्री गायत्री देवी के स्त्री रुप मे भी पुजा जाता है। 'गायत्री' एक छन्द भी है

ऋग्वेद के सात प्रसिद्ध छंदों में एक है गायत्री छंद। इन सात छंदों के नाम हैं- गायत्री, उष्णिक्, अनुष्टुप्, बृहती, विराट, त्रिष्टुप् और जगती। गायत्री छन्द में आठ-आठ अक्षरों के तीन चरण होते हैं। ऋग्वेद के मंत्रों में त्रिष्टुप् को छोड़कर सबसे अधिक संख्या गायत्री छंदों की है। गायत्री के तीन पद होते हैं (त्रिपदा वै गायत्री)। अतएव जब छंद या वाक के रूप में सृष्टि के प्रतीक की कल्पना की जाने लगी तब इस विश्व को त्रिपदा गायत्री का स्वरूप माना गया।

इसके ऋषि विश्वामित्र हैं और देवता सविता हैं

ऋग्वेद के छंद तत्सवितुर्वरेण्यं भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात् । इसका अर्थ देखिये आप स्वय जानंगे कि यह केवल निदेश है, मार्ग दर्शन है.

          तत् : उस
          सवितु: : सविता-सूर्य- प्रकाशक- ज्ञान
          वरेण्यं : वरण करने योग्य
          भर्ग: : शुद्ध विज्ञान स्वरूप
          देवस्य : देव का
          धीमहि : हम ध्यान करें
          धियो : बुद्धि को
          य: : जो
          न: : हमारी
         प्रचोदयात : शुभ कार्यों में प्रेरित करे

यजुर्वेद के मंत्र ॐ भूर्भुवः स्वः

          भू का अर्थ है स्थूल,पृथ्वी,शरीर 

          भुव का अर्थ है चिन्तन  

          स्व का अर्थ है सुख -प्रसन्नता

अस्य श्री गायत्री मन्त्र विश्वामित्र ऋषि गायत्री छंद सविता देवता आत्मसाक्षातकार  अर्थे जपे विनियोग |

ॐ : सर्वरक्षक परमात्मा

भू:प्राणों से प्यारा      /     मनुष्य को प्राण प्रदाण करने वाला  /     पृथ्वी , स्थूल 

भुव:दुख विनाशक /     दुख़ों का नाश करने वाला                /     चिन्तन  ,  सूक्ष्म

स्व:सुखस्वरूप है /     सुख़ प्रदाण करने वाला                 /     सुख -प्रसन्नता , कारण

तत् :उस        /     वह                                  /     उस

सवितु:उत्पादक, प्रकाशक, प्रेरक   /   सूर्य की भांति उज्जवल     /  सविता-सूर्य- प्रकाशक- ज्ञान

वरेण्य :वरने योग्य              /     सबसे उत्तम              /     वरण करने योग्य

भुर्ग: :शुद्ध विज्ञान स्वरूप का      /     कर्मों का उद्धार करने वाला   /     शुद्ध विज्ञान स्वरूप

देवस्य :देव के                   /     प्रभु                     /     देव का

धीमहि :हम ध्यान करें         /     आत्म चिंतन के योग्य (ध्यान)     /     हम ध्यान करें

धियो :बुद्धियों को                /     बुद्धि, यो                /     बुद्धि को

य: : जो                      /     जो                      /     जो

न: :  हमारी                   /     हमारी,                   /     हमारी

प्रचोदयात : शुभ कार्यों में प्रेरित करें /     हमें शक्ति दें          /     शुभ कार्यों में प्रेरित करे

Another meaning

Bhu  (Earth, Consciousness of the Physical Plane), the world in which we live . it covers Mooladhar and swadhistan manipur chakra )

Bhuvar  (Antariksha,The Intermediate Space,Consciousness of Prana) it is the space in which material worlds exist (anatha , vishudhi chakra )

Swar (Sky, Heaven, Consciousness of the Divine Mind),highest planes of existance  (ajna and sahasrara chakra)

Dhimahi we meditate upon ,I Meditate on   - ( so what do we meditate upon )

Tat Bharga       (what we have to meditate upon )that brilliance or  Divine Effulgence, - (so what kind of brilliance )

Vareniyam Bharga  highest kind of brilliance - ( whose brilliance is this )

Devasya         of the divine entity - ( which divine entity) - ( of which divine entity )

Tat Savitu (Savitri, Divine Essence of the Sun) which is the most Adorable, -( which give birth to life )  - ( so why do we meditate on it )

Prachodyat     so that it may propel or drive - ( so drive what )

Nah Dhiyah     our minds (our dhi) or our Intelligence (Spiritual Consciousness). 

in which direction it propel - thats from  bhu bhuva suvaha

                                         from gross to subtle and subtle to causal

                                         from downward to upward

                                         from mooladhar to sahasrara  

Common mistakes -

bhur , bhargo its bha भ not ba ब

Devasyo  its da द not dha ध

Dhimahi  its dhi  धी not di दी

Dhiyo  its dhi  धी not di दी

the word स्व: Swaha its  Sa स  not Su सु this is very common mistake  all most all the person do

ॐ तत्त सत्त