Love Bombing

 

Love Bombing

 

 Tactic often used by narcissists, abusers, even cult leaders or borderline personality disorders people — form of emotional manipulation in which someone showers another person with excessive affection, attention, complements or praise and make other feel to trust them quickly – to eventually control them  

People use love bombing in relationships Because –

to control , to gain or to regain or exploit them  

Make recipient feel dependent and obligated to that person-

To gain power and control over their partners

To gain the upper hand over a new partner and increase his or her dependence on the bomber.

To manipulate their victim for selfish needs and wants

 Note - love-bombing behavior is often linked to individuals who have low self-esteem, display narcissistic traits, or insecurity  , Fear of rejection

 

 

Four stages of Love Bombing Cycle

 

Stage One - Idealization Stage

 Making Victim feel good and boosts victim self esteem as well as making them feel dependent upon and obligated to LoBo  and gaining trust and affection from Victim by doing –

Excessive expressions of Constant or over Communication of their feeling about Victim  -

Contacting frequently to Victim - through text , calls , social media or insist on seeing you all the time ( and become upset if Victim not respond immediately or say no )

( purpose behind this is - LoBo make it difficult for Victim to spend time alone or with Victim’s friends and family )

Excessive praising & flattery or affection expressions and gifts-

Shower Victim with gifts , compliments , attention right from the start of the relationship to make you feel special & appreciated

( purpose behind this is – Love Bomber create the idea that Victim  “owe them ” which they will likely use to manipulate Victim later. )

 

Expressing intense feelings quickly & Future faking -

They might tell you they love you and don’t know what they will do without you , quickly to pressure you into committing to the relationship. Talking about deep commitment, future plans, and being in love quickly within a short period of time of knowing you like after 3dates they say ur my soulmate

( purpose behind this is – that to make Victim feel that LoBo is only world to them )

 

Stage Two - Devaluing

 Once the initial love & faith is established - Idealization phase over , and Victim fully attached in love , loyal and deeply involve in the relationship then mask start to slip and next stage of devaluation begins.  And hot and cold behavior starts . Now Victim start noticing the  partner action are not matching with what he/she told or did

 

Criticism/put-downs - LoBo start to criticize and nitpick their partner, making Partner feel low in self-esteem to gain complete control over Partner

 

Hot/cold behavior – LoBo begins withdrawing his / her  affection and also breadcrumb to their partner ( By using phrases such as, “I can’t live without you” and “You’re the only one who understands me.” ) .  Victim may feel like one minute he/she  experiencing an amazing relationship high and the next Victim feel miserable

Manipulation – also includes various types of psychological manipulation ( gaslighting , giving the silent treatment , guilt-tripping )

Anything that goes wrong in the relationship LoBo only blame on Partner & keep complaining to maintain control over Partner . Here LoBO plays self victim role , making Partner feel responsible for their emotions , using past events to manipulate , controlling Partner feelings and actions. As a result Victim ( partner ) start guessing / thinking about self which break Victim down his/her self-esteem .

  

Stage Three -  Discarding-

Once LoBo is no longer getting what they need from the relationship & Once they feel the relationship is no longer useful then - they start discarding their partner & looking for new supply . Lobo change their behaviour quite cold , no care no praise only find faults & blame , avoids taking responsibility   . So LoBo move on or create situations that Partner leave LoBo ( purpose is to move on ) . They move on to the next person quickly  so - they end it and start the same cycle with the next person.

 

Jealousy and possessiveness-

The love bomber may accuse you of cheating or being unfaithful. They monitor your social media use , also ask frequently - where you are or what you are doing, and restrict you to meet certain people or going to certain places.

 

Isolating the other person-

They demand your attention and time and try to isolate you from your family and friends and don’t like that you even meet them (for example, they may become angry and make you feel guilty for making plans with others). . They might do this by telling you they no longer want you to see certain friends or family members. Alternatively, they make attempt to isolate you by telling little manipulated facts or talking negatively about others so that you change your perception of them

 

frequent contact with you or see you a lot, leaving little room for other activities or friendships .

 

They always demanding and don’t like to listen “ No”

 

 

Stage Four - Hoovering

 

This stage involves LoBo trying to maintain contact and stay close to their partner. Offering sincere apologies or using other manipulative methods to enter back into their Partner lives . Try to prove how much they have changed , or claim they will never find anyone that compares to you or  flaunt

Note - If the hoovering is successful then Love Bombing can begin again and the cycle of abuse continues.

 

In short  - Relation based on manipulated things , fairytale romance and grand gestures don’t last for long . LoBo/Narcist  have an over inflated sense of self importance and an excessive need for attention and adoration & supply of attention and validation , and they present their false image and later their mask soon slips.

After the love bombing stage or Rosy Days gone , it's common for the intensity of the relationship to decrease. Because love bombing is artificially created behavior which can not be sustainable in the long term. The love bomber may struggle to maintain the same level of attention, affection, and grand gestures they displayed during the early stages of the relationship. The target get to the intense emotions and feelings of attachment created by the love bomber , when rosy days gone then reality appears